If you tuned into my life this weekend, I probably met the stipulations for a bipolar female squirrel, which is almost correct. But now that I am sane, I can tell you about it from a logical point of view.
As my life continues to twist and turn on my spiritual journey, I’m making changes and trying to adjust to my life as an individual. And one of the things I’ve always battled with was relationships. Not just dating but friendships as well. I didn’t realize or think about the fact that when my first real relationship ended tragically, not only did it strip a piece of my heart, mind, and trusting abilities from guys, but it took my first real best friend (since Katie B) and those same pieces from ladies.
That relationship took a lot from me. I was officially exposed. At 16 I thought I was a woman and could make a real womanly decision to be intimate and BOY was I wrong. We didn’t have sex but our souls definitely tied. And without my best friend or brother by my side to help me through it or, I was a Hot Mess! Typical girl move stuff, crying in the floor, not talking it eating, changing my atmosphere, depression, the whole 9 yards.
Well after an unplanned emotional discussion with my mother and soon after my youth Minster this weekend, I’ve learned about contentment in my singleness, as a woman. Which is not holding out or waiting for a knight in shining armor to come save me (from my singleness I guess) but to looking God as that savior that has already come. And I was painted the vivid picture of wha that would look like, which is almost picturing yourself alone forever. And originally that scared me, but then I know that’s not exact, it’s just an extreme to say that a man is not going to complete you, only God can fill the voids. A man is just to look good with (and make babies😏). I wanted a man as a guaranteed friend and life partner but I shouldn’t look for a man to always be there for me, an obligate him to listen to my crazy stories and go along with my ideas, but just someone else to share the experience with.
Basically I should look to God to complete me and no where else. Which is a difficult task but well worth it. So that is my new step is to just live life for me, not to him out or aspire someone else to bring me eternal happiness but to do things for me (as a child/friend of God).
Which to me is best seen through service. And a quote that best sticks with me is something my mommy used to always tell me,which she didn’t come up with but I just credit her for telling me, “you have to live a Godly life, because sometimes your life is the only bible some people might will read.” 🙏